Bitter….

via Daily Prompt: Bitter

Bitter makes me think of unsweet, unripened fruit, maybe lemons or limes, certain  roasts of coffee, and people full of regret and resentment. I can sweeten the fruit and the coffee, but a bitter person is a whole other thing.  ruffled

I think of my parents, especially my father. He has been a reliable father, a dog-lover, and a wonderful friend to many… just don’t ask him about my mother, don’t bring up sports he doesn’t like, or politics he doesn’t agree with. If he were a cup of coffee, he would have an aftertaste, even with a health dose of cream and coconut sugar. On the wrong day, you might switch to another coffee blend, or just drink tea.

Bitter also makes me think of bad choices, like fruit picked at the wrong time or eaten out of season. Have you ever had a good winter peach, or enjoyed a strawberry that is pale rather dark red and sweet? Not my preference, for sure.

Letting go, or taking time to chill out can keep you from becoming bitter, like candy without the sweetness. I am trying to remember this, as I slowly begin to  feel overworked and exhausted. I try to seek laughter and sunshine, rather than darkness, anxiety, and the impulse to recoil. I don’t want to be bitter before my time.

Reminiscing… and feeling a bit abandoned (revised)

In response to the Daily Prompt, “Abandoned“:

One year ago, Boyfriend and I were hanging out with my mother and my aunt. They came to visit us in Central Texas over a four-day weekend. There were a few interesting moments, but there were also great opportunities to talk with them and to share our corner of the world with them. I had not spent an extensive amount of time with my aunt in a very long time, perhaps since I spent overnights as an adolescent, and I had not seen my mother since I moved from the Chicago area two years prior.

Wow, time does go by. There were moments I could have handled differently, and I hope for another chance for my mom and aunt to visit. I actually hope that my father and my brother and his fiancée all visit because I not only want to show them the beautiful landscape and the places we like in Central Texas, but also because a phone call only does so much. We are all very different people with different interests, ideas, and viewpoints,  and it can be hard to really relate in a meaningful way on the phone.

I feel lucky that I was able to visit my brother and his fiancée’ this past November. I got to see their new apartment and neighborhood, as well as experience a little of their daily existence in NYC. I visited my parents while I was in Chicago last summer, and I think we need a change of venue.  I know that life can be busy, and travelling can be challenging… I think its time for another family visit in Texas!

© 2016 blogdaysofchrell

Toot your horn…

In response to the Daily Prompt, Toot Your Horn“, Most of us are excellent at being self-deprecating, and are not so good at the opposite. Tell us your favorite thing about yourself.

My favorite thing about me is that I am not afraid to do things by myself. This started at a very young age. I was an only child for the first three years of my life and, even though my parents played and read to me, there were no kids on my blocks. Until I went to pre-school at almost five years old, I was only around other kids if my family when to a public place, such as the park or the shopping mall, or if we went to visit my cousins (three are older than me). I did many things as a child on my own, such as build with clay and play-dough, coloring, play with my dog, invent stories about my stuffed animals, and listen to my record player.Me and my childhood dog

As I got older, as I have mentioned in previous posts, I only had a few friends and none of them on my block. Luckily, they were walking distance when I was considered old enough to do so with permission. When I was at home I either played toys or games with my brother, read books, or watched television. Sometimes we would go to the park to play basketball or we would throw the baseball around in the yard. When kids did move in across the alley from us, they were boys my brother’s age.

I started playing tennis at age 8 and I got to be around other kids when I went to group lessons, but they lived in other areas and often knew people in the group already. Even though I was fairly outgoing around my family, I was pretty shy and nervous around people I didn’t know. Although I have mostly gotten over the nervousness, I am still shy as an adult despite working in a people-centered industry. I did get to know a few people through tennis but I would call us practice partners rather than friends.

Driving… one of my favorite activities

As an adult I have done many things on my own, including go to concerts, movies, shopping, out to eat, visited museums, travelled to other places to visit friends and family via bus, and lived by myself. Some of this took place in my pre-Boyfriend days but I have no problem doing these things when he is at work or tied up with other tasks. I often take my hour-long lunch break at work by myself so I can walk, run errands, make phone calls, or just be because I am otherwise in an office with 7 other people and in frequent interactions with customers by phone or in person. I have heard comments from people over the years who are shocked that I am not only ok doing these tasks alone but that I sometimes choose to do them by myself. This allows me to decide what I want to eat, if I want to listen to music, do I want to change course and go somewhere different that I originally planned for, and to just relax without having to choose my words wisely or having to agree with something (food, an opinion, etc.) in order to appease the other person. Sometimes we all just need a little time to ourselves in order to get back to business/life in a productive manner.

I am not opposed to socializing with others but, if you have ready any of my posts, you can understand how socializing can get complicated for me – I am as different from others as I can be alike, and my opinions do not always line up with those around me. Plus,  I need time to recharge after my people time, a somewhat introverted tendency that I have  started to attend to more than in the past. I like to think that I am independent, which allows me to grow and learn and discover before taking in the world around according to other people.

 

Reason to Believe…

In response to the Daily Prompt, “Reason to Believe“, In Reason to Believe, Bruce Springsteen sings, “At the end of every hard-earned day / people find some reason to believe.” What’s your reason to believe?

Believe… in what, exactly? The prompt is a bit vague. However, I think it is open to interpretation, which is good, and this appears to be a prompt I have not responded to in my year and some months on Word press.

I believe in a lot of things… truth, justice, and the American Way. I believe in freedom, true freedom, and I believe in the right to make your own decisions. I believe that Government is not the answer to everything, they are there to keep some order and to ensure that a minimum level of services are available to the public, and that they should not be dictating everything you do. I believe in the US Constitution and Bill of Rights and that they are the law of the land, and that States are responsible for what is not covered in the Constitution. I believe that states can do different things and that their people can decide what is best for their state based on population, landscape, and other factors. For instance, Texas and Illinois are different states with different needs, to some degree. I believe that the government should not tell parents what they can send to school with their children for lunch, and that wearing a shirt with the American flag on it should not be a punishable offense. I believe in the right to defend and protect myself and my loved ones, by fist, by blade, or by firearm.

I believe that people have to want things to get better in this country. I believe that we need to each educate ourselves about what is really going on in this world, rather than taking what is said on the news or at a debate for face value. I believe0 that winning six coins tosses in a row is about as likely as winning the big Powerball was. I believe in reading books, real books, because you can learn just about anything which a little time and effort. I believe in pulling information from many sources to piece the truth together. I believe that knowledge is power, and that it is better to know than not to know. I believe that we all have a voice to use, whether we speak or write or post, and that our information will resonate with others, though we may not realize it. I believe that someone may offend me but I might still be able to learn from them, and that I may offend someone as well but that they, too, can learn from me.

I believe that sometimes we each have to make tough decisions, with which others don’t agree, but that are in our best interest. I believe that blood is not always thicker than water, especially if that blood (family member) is causing you pain and suffering. I believe in spending time alone or with positive influences, rather than with negative, unhealthy influences. I believe that we all need to time to ourselves regularly to think, rest, recover, and to develop new ideas, and that this doesn’t make use weird, or abnormal, or crazy. I believe that each of us can change for the better, but choose the easier path. I believe that social media, when used wisely, can be a good thing, but can take over your life and can help you forget how to communicate with a living breathing person who is standing in front of you.

I believe in myself, and believe that I only have the power to control me. However, I believe that, by sharing my ideas, I can help others figure out what they believe.

© 2016 blogdaysofchrell

Safety First…

In response to the Daily Post, “Safety First”, Share the story of a time you felt unsafe.

I have felt unsafe on many occasions in my life, mostly due to feel mentally and emotionally unsafe in response to the people around me. This caused by being around people that I can’t trust or can’t relax around.

courtesy of clipart/jonata
courtesy of clipart/jonata

I understand that I cannot control others’, nor their actions and expressions, but I can control with whom I allow myself to interact except for while I am at work. I limit contact with people who are erratic, narcissistic, and those who do not value me or Boyfriend. This is one of many reasons I sought out and accepted a new job almost two months ago. I could not trust the people with whom I worked and had to depend upon over the past two years, as workers and as people. You can tell when someone is phony and/or untrustworthy when they smile at you and then stop/start talking to someone else as you leave/enter a room. Or when they only engage you to get information for their benefit, but not for the sake of conversation. You can tell that someone only talked to you and appreciated your “friendship” when you were both in frequently proximity, but you don’t hear from them when you no longer see each other at the office.

courtesy of clipart/doctormo
courtesy of clipart/doctormo

I felt unsafe, rather vulnerable, often as a child and teenager because I was teased and had few friends. The friends I had were also people who were teased or had few friends, and would sometimes leave me for other friends with parents that were more lenient with their rules or bought the newest, coolest gadgets.  I rarely felt physically unsafe but the stress and emotional strain was not easy to deal with for years and years, and I was outnumbered, which I was lucky to not have been physically threatened. As an adult, I try to pull from the lessons these experiences taught me, especially to be myself and to seek out people who are respectful and accepting of me and my uniqueness. You don’t have to agree with me but be open to new ideas. I would rather have a small circle of people I can trust than a large circle of people who I call into question. It’s best to be safe than sorry!