If you leave… I will be soon.

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “If You Leave.” Life is a series of beginnings and endings. We leave one job to start another; we quit cities, countries, or continents for a fresh start; we leave lovers and begin new relationships. What was the last thing you contemplated leaving? What were the pros and cons? Have you made up your mind? What will you choose?

The most recent decision I made about “leaving” was taking a new job in Austin, TX and giving notice to my current job. Deciding to leave a job is something that I have done before, and I left for a better opportunity. I had been a residential case manager for chronically mentally ill adults for three and a half years. I left to become a Juvenile Case Manager with better pay and a chance to build on my experience, and to overcome my burnout. I am leaving my current job working with chronically mentally and medically ill adults to again work with juveniles. I will receive better pay and benefits with new opportunities for training and growth but I am starting over again, and I will be fighting morning traffic. I However,  will have three day weekends to recover from my long days! I am happy to be  joining a successful, already established program after working with back-to-back new programs, especially one that still has bugs to work out.

I am making a few trade-offs because I miss doing the kind of work I did for seven years. It gave me daily opportunities to help youth and families and give back to the community. I was a positive adult in the lives of many young people, many of whom came from single parent families, low-economic status, and negative brushes with authority. The work was not easy but I liked being able to listen to them, talk with them, and help them set goals while learning from their mistakes. I welcome the daily opportunities to do this again. I know that the new job and my former youth job will be different in many ways but I am hoping to be inspired again. I considered the commute, leaving the team short-handed and how important a pay increase is. There is no room for advancement and only small incremental raises, and no longer felt that my current job and I are the best fit for each other.  I hope the best for the team I am leaving and I am grateful to have gotten a job after moving to a new place two years ago, but… it’s time to move on, just as it was time to move to a new place and a new life.

I believe that you sometimes need to make a change, or many changes, to be happy, to feel inspired, or to be appreciated. There are times when you do what you can until you can do what you really want to do. I think that you have to realize that life goes on with or without you, whether at work, at school, or in your community, and that everyone leaves to start over at some point. Maybe it’s your turn today,  and tomorrow will be theirs. It is hard to feel like you are leaving people behind, but you have to do what you feel is best!

© 2015 blogdaysofchrell

Forgive and Forget…. I think not.

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Forgive and Forget?.”

I think that forgiveness can be healthy and appropriate for healing, but forgetting, not so much. Some actions cannot betaken back, regardless of the words spoken in the aftermath. Extending forgiveness to someone who is TRULY sorry and has taken responsibility for their action s is understandable, and we’ve all done it, just as we have all had to ask for forgiveness, too.  Forgetting is another matter. Sometimes it can be done, sometimes it cannot.  What’s done is done and a memory has been created, good or bad. Forgetting what someone has done can set us up to be hurt or taken advantage of again, just like the old saying…

fool me once
courtesy of quotationslibrary.com

I’ve learned recently in research I have done about narcissism, that it is common to be fooled repeatedly due to the abusive and manipulative nature of the narcissist. Boyfriend got me into reading and learning about narcissism because his mother and brother are both narcissists that have caused him much pain and suffering, even to this day. Thank God we moved to Texas, it’s amazing what  little distance can do. The best thing would be no contact but… easier said than done. I mention these two people because I could not forgive them if God himself ask me to. They are two of the most angry, deceptive, hateful, manipulative, unfeeling, inhuman people I have ever met. If we knew then what we know now, I would like to think that Boyfriend and I would have made different choices with regarding to both of our dealings with them.  Moving on with without certain people is the best thing to do. I would not call it forgiveness but simply moving on. Thank you to Narcissism Survivor on YouTube!!!!! You are teaching us so much.

With regard to my family, I have forgiven a few things, just as have they, but the forgetting is hard. I do try to balance bad memories with good memories because my parents tried their best. I just wish they had made a few choices that would have made us all happier, possibly going their separates ways to be free of drama. I know that I am not perfect and neither are they, and we meet in the middle enough to make things still work. It is easier to see and talk to my parents separately because of their personal differences, and they both feel special.

As for friends, I have tried to forgive and forget and, ultimately, the friendship eventually ended. Relationships can run their course. We contribute something to the other person’s life and they to ours, possibly for reasons unknown. Ultimately, we each have to do what is best for our health and happiness, which can mean leaving some people in our past.

Poster By Flavia Weedn

 

© 2015 blogdaysofchrell