I Will Never Forget… 9-11

Torri-di-luce-a-New-York

Fourteen years ago, I made my way to New York city for the first time. I had dreamed of visiting for years, and decided to visit my brother who was attending college nearby in New Jersey. That week was one of the best times of my life, and I know that this trip meant a lot to my brother as well. I went to many of the great tourist attractions, took into the spirit of NYC, ate lots of NYC pizza and hot dogs from every street vendor I could, and I got to attend my first New York Yankees baseball game. I maybe from Chicago, but I love New York!

I grew up in a household watching the U.S. Open tennis tournament every year. I heard stories from my Dad who had visited NYC many times, including as a youngster with my grandfather. A frame photo of the New York City skyline hung in our living room and still does today. I would always ask my Dad about the different buildings as a child, and he got a booklet from a NYC colleague so he could better show me and teach me their names. I knew where the different ports were, which river was the East and which was the Hudson. I knew the different bridges: the Verrazano-Narrows bridge, the Manhattan bridge, and the Brooklyn bridge. I knew the Empire State building, the Chrysler building, and the World Trade center, also know as the Twin Towers.

I, like most Americans, remember how my day started and what happened on September 11, 2001. I was getting ready to go to a new job, getting dressed and checking the news. I saw them report that the World Trade Center had been hit, and I saw the smoke pluming from one building, then the other. I remember my Dad calling the house from work, telling us to turn on the TV if we hadn’t already. I remember the shock, what was going on? How could this happen? Was my brother, across the river in Jersey City going to be safe?

I was in the world Trade Center five months earlier, with my brother and a friend, looking out on one of the world’s greatest cities from the observation deck. I spent a lot of time walking around that area, and have many pictures taken of and from the World Trade Center. I remember thinking, wow, I could have been in those building when this shocking, unbelievable, and very tragic event happened. I wasn’t, but so many other people were. They all got up that day just as I had, and their lives were changed forever. Many people lost family and friends that were in those buildings, working, trying to rescue people, or just visiting New York City. They died due to a horrible tragedy that I hope never happens to our country ever again. One of my brother’s dearest friends lost his father that day.

My brother and his friends helped out by loading supplies in the boats that cross the river to the NYC side. He said that they had to get their minds off what happened and wanted to do something to help. The shock and horror of what happened took a backseat to their desire to be part of the solution. They cheered on and gave their time to the firefighters and other workers that were now searching for people at Ground Zero to boost their morale and express their appreciation. I will never know exactly what that experience was like for my brother, who later moved across the river to Manhattan. He sent us wonderful pictures capturing the spirit of NYC fighting back and banding together, one of which made it into a 9-11 commemoration book.

I visited Ground Zero in May 2002 while I was in NYC for my brother’s college graduation. It was indescribable. Those tall, strong buildings with the beautiful view of the city were not only gone, but an ugly, gaping hole in the ground with the remainder of the debris was left in its place. There were makeshift memories surrounding the area, poster of lost loved ones, posting of thank you for the people around the world who felt New Yorkers’ and Americans’ pain. It was an overwhelming scene and I was overcome with emotion, but glad that I had my memories. Even today, seeing pictures of the World Trade Center evoke feelings of happiness, sadness, and wonder about the why and how of what happened. The perpetrators and their accomplices, whoever they may be, destroyed a great American Icon but they didn’t destroy my memories.

Courtesy of allposters.pt
Courtesy of allposters.pt

My family went to the 9-11 memorial in Chicago on September, 11, 2002, and my brother was temporarily living with us while he figured out his next steps. Brother happened to be interviewed by a local news affiliate, and said that he had not talked about 09-11-01 since it happened. He came alive talking about NYC coming together and about supporting the rescue workers with a spirit of fight and courage – I saw something special in him that day, and was very proud.

I will always remember 9-11-01. I am grateful as an American for the brave men and women who rose to the occasion to help, rescue and, ultimately sacrifice themselves so that others might live. I am grateful for those, like my brother and his friends, who got stronger and reached out to others when they could have stood by. I am grateful for the police and firemen throughout America who go to work everyday to rescue, protect and help others, with the knowledge that their lives could be at risk and sacrificed. There are tragedies throughout our country every day, but I pray that we will never face another day like September 11, 2001.

© 2015 bogdaysofchrell

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Can I go home yet?

Boyfriend’s mother died two weeks ago. It was inevitable, and we were somewhat prepared for a VERY long drive back to Illinois and the shenanigans ahead. As mentioned in multiple previous posts, Boyfriend had a complicated relationship with his narcissist mother and narcissist golden child Brother, and I was not liked by either of them. His relationships with other family members were greatly affected by the two narcissists. Due to events recently and in the preceding months, the family has learned that Brother was a facade. Seeing these family members now is a different experience because they are figuring out why Boyfriend kept his distance – he needed to avoid becoming collateral damage.

Life, for the past week and a half, has been topsy-turvy to say the least. We had to both get time off from work, drive twenty hours with our cat, and then spend many, many hours undoing the puzzle and maze left behind. Boyfriend’s brother has not only been unhelpful, he is not content to take his half per the will and will not be happy unless he gets his way at every step of the process. This comes after years of scheming, lying, taking advantage and manipulating to get lots of $$$,$$$ over the years since their father died. In fact, rather than helping to clean out and organizing the home and affairs, Boyfriend’s brother began assessing value of items, making contacts to see how he can make more money, and trying to talk Boyfriend into making deals instead of simply selling the big items, splitting it and making things easier for everyone. That is too much like right. It has been exhausting to absorb all of the negative energy left behind in the home by the two narcissists while Boyfriend and I hope we can soon move forward, returning to our lives in the great state of Texas and leaving the chaos behind when the lawyer finally wraps everything up and the deals are done. That can’t happen until the house is sold, the car is bought out, the estate sale happens and the financials are divided up. The woman who once said she would let her sons fight over everything will likely get her wish, despite a will and trust, because the specifics are vague and I fear that no one will really stand up to the narcissist brother in the end. Ultimately, I want Boyfriend treated fairly and for him to get what is his. I am entitled to nothing, and this not about me. The deceased didn’t like me, and it would entertain her if I have to watch Boyfriend get dragged into more drama and inconvenience, to say the least. The narcissist mother will get her supply, even in death.

I realize how cold and unfeeling I sound. I wish I could say that I am mourning the loss of a good person, the woman who was my mother-in-law (in theory), but I can’t. I feel bad for the people that loved the narcissist mother and those with whom she had a good relationship. I can only mourn the loss of the mother Boyfriend didn’t have, a mother who would have truly loved him, cared for him, supported him and accepted him as he was, and would not been abusive or downright vindictive for not letting her and the narcissist brother walk all over him for the rest of his life. I can mourn the loss of the friend I could have had and didn’t, and I can regret the apology I shouldn’t have given when I told the truth about how she treated her son a few years ago. Boyfriend’s father, may he rest in peace, learned not to fight back until he had nothing left to lose because he didn’t want to suffer at the hands of his narcisstic wife anymore than necessary.

I’ve seen my family since we’ve been in Illinois, and I can’t say that this has been easy either. My parents are who they are, and can’t seem to put the differences aside for the sake of a peaceful visit, even for an hour. My mother is passive-aggressive and my father is argumentative, unable to let it slide. They both have to win, and don’t seem to care if Boyfriend and I leave with more memories of bitterness, anger, and two adults acting like five-year olds. I love them because they are my parents but, golly, I can’t wait to go back to Texas.

We have gotten to know a few people a little bit better, and Boyfriend’s Godmother has been a gracious hostess. Having our cat with us has offered us both a bit of calm and sanity, and would not have been possibly without Godmother accommodating us.

Thank you WordPress and readers for allowing me to vent. I hope that others might see that they are not alone, and that those dealing with a narcissist(s) suffer long-lasting effects if you don’t walk away and go no-contact when you have the chance. I regret that I didn’t take Boyfriend away from the toxicity years ago ago and never look back when the family secrets started to come out. Knowing what we know now, I hope these posts help someone else feel less alone and that they stop blaming themselves for what the ruin left by the narcissist.