If we were having coffee…

I would tell you that I had an awesome breakfast with my husband, Pumpkin Spice Pancakes, and Vanilla Bean coffee. He puts love into and makes them perfectly every time.

Image by vextok on Freepik.com

I would tell you that I had a great week, which started with meeting a friend for brunch last Sunday. I hadn’t seen her since shortly before the shutdown last year, but we hung out for a few hours catching up like we had just seen each other or were still co-workers. My week continued with a couple of good chats with friends and co-workers, receiving early Christmas gifts, and time to relax and hang out with my husband.

If we were having coffee, I would ask if you have tried Jack Daniels coffee. Talk about delicious! We will have to drink some next time we get together for coffee. Also, have you had Lou Malnati’s pizza? Definitely try the cheese pizza, it’s like a tasty, warm hug.

I would tell you that I am looking forward to several days off this coming week, with Christmas and the way the holiday falls on the calendar. I will have 5 days off, including a day I added to an already extended weekend. I am sad that I will not see my family but I know that we will have some calls and video chats. I hope the time that the rest of the family has together goes well and that the crazy travelling I won’t be doing also goes well for them. I’m sure I already told you the reasons I am not going, which include not wanting to leave my husband alone for the holidays but also that the rest of my family believes in the COVID vaccines, testing, etc. and is already a little concerned about exposure. Me, I’m still here, have been mostly healthy throughout this whole thing minus a few days. We are all entitled to our beliefs and freedom to make our own decisions.

If we were having coffee, I would share that I am excited to soon eat homemade waffles, which we will make with our newly received waffle maker given by my parents. Breakfast is my favorite! And, we will be feasting on Lou Malnati’s Pizza, given by my brother and sister-in-law and by Husband’s godmother. Yes, two different groups of people gave us the best deep-dish pizza ever! We will be eating well, if not healthy, for quite a while.            

I would tell you that I am excited for family and friends to get the gifts we gave, and we are hoping to make cookies and brownies to share with them as well. I am disappointed that my work unit didn’t have a Christmas gathering for the second year in a row – last year because we were all working at home, this year because we were in the office on different days, some co-workers have a lot going on, anxiety about everything, etc. They are like a second family, for better or worse, and it’s nice to eat together and be out of the office trying a new restaurant, playing puzzle and gift-exchange games. Maybe we’ll do something in the New Year…

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that some days I feel great and I can handle all that life throws at me, while there are other days when getting out of bed is a struggle. When you read the backstory to so many things going on that most people don’t want to hear about and pretend don’t exist, it’s a tough boat to row. Sometimes I stick to shallow waters and stay off the boat.

I’m glad we were able to have coffee today. Thank you for letting me share my thoughts and experiences. Maybe it made you feel less alone, or maybe you think I’m crazy. I’m just a girl trying to get through each day the best I can.

Have a good weekend!

Chicago on my mind…

I was scrolling through my photos and reminiscing on my trip to Chicago last August before traveling to NYC.

Overall, I had a great trip. There were a few rocky family interactions, but lessons learned. I saw extended family, a few friends, one of my favorite bands, my White Sox, and got to eat my favorite foods. Best of all, I got to soak in the city, walking, taking the “L” (elevated trains, it’s what we Chicagoans call it), and enjoying beautiful, mild summer weather.

Even though I moved away and I have a life in Texas now, I doubt I will ever feel as free and as comfortable as I do hanging out in Chicago, whether downtown or in other parts of the city.

I love you, Chicago!

Letting it all out… and letting it go

I deal with people’s problems in my job everyday. I work with multiple people having personal problems currently, and then there is my life.  Although Boyfriend and I get along great,  each of us has our own stresses. This sometimes piles up on me, making me feel like the shaken-up soda bottle that overflows when you open it.

I have a pretty easy to get along with group of co-workers, just leave controversial issues (especially immigration and related issues) out of the conversation and there will be no problems. However, others do not get along quite the same as I do, which leads to some tense, heated moments.

This happened earlier today. I joked with one of the co-workers a little and she gave it right back, but it opened the door for other’s to make comments and be critical about her part in a group project. This put my friend in an awkward position, causing her to stand up for herself and then snap with the other two women kept pushing her. They didn’t care, but my friend, who has been managing a lot in her life, became tearful. It broke my heart. I left the office to handle business and later ironed things out, but it sadly showed who the other tow people really are. They are interested in getting their way, looking high and mighty, and enjoy putting someone else in their place, even to the point of embarrassment.  After working in my job for over a year, people have started to real show themselves, though not for the better.

I am struggling with family issues, as always, and issues related to my brother’s upcoming wedding. I am happy for him and glad for his happiness, nothing changes that. People live their lives as they see fit, and I understand that. I need to let go of things over which I have no control, and not hold on to bad feelings. I just want to say that most parents do have a favorite child, whether they admit it or not. Despite all of the “I’m so proud of you’s” that I now hear or the “you’re so strong and independent” comments, I am not the favorite but I make a hell of a shoulder to cry on. As I tell my clients, “You only have control over yourself and your actions,” and I need to take my own advice.

I need to keep my friends close, and my eyes on everyone else. I need to breathe, and then let it go…. Easier said than done.

 

Safety First…

In response to the Daily Post, “Safety First”, Share the story of a time you felt unsafe.

I have felt unsafe on many occasions in my life, mostly due to feel mentally and emotionally unsafe in response to the people around me. This caused by being around people that I can’t trust or can’t relax around.

courtesy of clipart/jonata
courtesy of clipart/jonata

I understand that I cannot control others’, nor their actions and expressions, but I can control with whom I allow myself to interact except for while I am at work. I limit contact with people who are erratic, narcissistic, and those who do not value me or Boyfriend. This is one of many reasons I sought out and accepted a new job almost two months ago. I could not trust the people with whom I worked and had to depend upon over the past two years, as workers and as people. You can tell when someone is phony and/or untrustworthy when they smile at you and then stop/start talking to someone else as you leave/enter a room. Or when they only engage you to get information for their benefit, but not for the sake of conversation. You can tell that someone only talked to you and appreciated your “friendship” when you were both in frequently proximity, but you don’t hear from them when you no longer see each other at the office.

courtesy of clipart/doctormo
courtesy of clipart/doctormo

I felt unsafe, rather vulnerable, often as a child and teenager because I was teased and had few friends. The friends I had were also people who were teased or had few friends, and would sometimes leave me for other friends with parents that were more lenient with their rules or bought the newest, coolest gadgets.  I rarely felt physically unsafe but the stress and emotional strain was not easy to deal with for years and years, and I was outnumbered, which I was lucky to not have been physically threatened. As an adult, I try to pull from the lessons these experiences taught me, especially to be myself and to seek out people who are respectful and accepting of me and my uniqueness. You don’t have to agree with me but be open to new ideas. I would rather have a small circle of people I can trust than a large circle of people who I call into question. It’s best to be safe than sorry!