Live the day

Staying in the moment to enjoy the sunshine, the blue sky, the ease of getting things done without stress, I know that this is temporary. I hold on to the feeling of warmth on my face. I thank God that I feel good and for the beauty surrounding, even if only for a day or two. It makes me think of the Headspace analogy of thoughts being clouds that pass us by, and I make it happen with my own thoughts. It feels good to just be, to take in the day without worry or concern or jumping ahead to the things I think will happen or to the unpleasantries that may be spoken. Time to just breathe and live the day, which is what I am doing.

I always say that I want to write more, good or bad, so I am, as I cultivate ideas and try to hold on to them. I slept good the past few nights, got my back worked on yesterday morning so my tension is gone, and I felt free to hang out with Husband and do a few things we each want to do. He has worked in the garden and organized his music and playlists, while I went to my appointment, ran some errands, did laundry, made a hair appointment, and baked brownies. It between, we laughed, played Name that Tune, ate good food, and planted our very young oak tree in the front yard. All simple things that work for us.

Lurking in the corner of my mind are the holidays and their complications, my family and our differences of lifestyle and opinions, the façade of how good the things at large look (such as the economy, life going back to normal, how free we are or aren’t) and all the ways they will fall apart. Some days I can be conscious of these things and not have it in me to deal, while other days I am so conscious they rock me to the core. On exceptional days, I can be conscious of them and also focus on the now – they are there, but I am here. One of my favorite things was watching bees flutter from dandelion to dandelion to other little flowers on my grass as I picked up rocks and other debris from the tree planting. I could hear the soft buzzing as they communicated to each other and pollinated. We co-existed for a short time, and I felt lucky to be out there and see them.

I often wonder how others can go through their days unfazed with the things of the world that sometimes take over my existence, but it’s been a few days since I had that thought. I am here in the now, at least for now, grateful for the good things and the good feelings. Sometimes it just clicks.

My inner Walter Mitty

HD wallpaper: Adventure Waits For No One, Travel, Other ...I watched the Secret Life of Walter Mitty a few days ago, and I loved it. Having seen Meet the Parents, Duplex, Along Came Polly, There’s Something About Mary, and other Ben Stiller movies, I gave it a shot. Initially set in New York city and roughly based off a short story of the same name (which I was unaware of but now plan to read), the movie kept my attention and offered wonderful scenery as Walter Mitty traveled the world to track down a photographer and overcame his propensity for being cautious and avoiding risk. In this way, the movie really did remind me of Along Came Polly, as both characters leave their comfort zone in order to find happiness, though they are also very different movies. Funny that Along Came Polly is also set in New York city.

I related to the story because I get very comfortable in different situations. I get into a routine and I like knowing what I’m doing. Change has never been easy for me until I adjust, and then things change again. I like organization, making notes, having a calendar and an idea of what is going to happen. I also relate to the story because I hold onto certain feelings, I choose to go with what I know and try to hold onto it. I like some of the so-called modern conveniences we have in society, but I would give much of it back for life to be simple again. Many of the shows I like to watch don’t feature cell phones, social media or current times, such as Seinfeld, Felicity, Beverly Hills 90210, Blossom, The Brady Bunch, and others, and they also tend to feature life as I wish mine had been… Large groups of friends, adventures, close-knit happy, supportive families, and people who overcome self-doubt, depression, challenges, and family conflict to achieve great things.

These shows also help me revisit times in my life I would that I could relive or get a do-over. Again, this is tied to recurring theme radical acceptance and being in the now, but sometimes you need to just relax, have a few laughs and reminisce, too. I couldn’t really tell you what is currently on tv, except for what I see in commercials while watching MLB games, Darkside of the Ring or ads that play on Hulu while I watch the shows and movies mentioned above. Maybe these shows and movies weren’t the best acted or most creative but I connect with them and prefer them to all of the virtual reality-based garbage I see being promoted. By, am I starting to sound old or what? Maybe I’m just catching up to myself.

Getting back to The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, I plan to use it as inspiration to try new things, venture in new directions, and build on my creative skills of writing, taking pictures, and extending my comfort zone a little. Once I read the short story, I’ll write about that and let you know what I thought.

* All photos used are available through Creative Commons or Public Domain.

Trying to navigate life..

Everyone feels like this from time to time, just trying to get up every day and keep going. Some day this is not easy to do. All you can do is try to navigate life the best you can, and try to have to more good days than bad.  

One of these days, I ‘ll figure life out.

Normal is never coming back…

We sit and listen to the Global Alert News Hour every Saturday or, as Dane Wiginton refers to it, “The Bad News Broadcast”. He covers news headlines from the week – everything from COVID-19 to geoengineering, environmental collapse, and various other news topics. One of Dane’s weekly quotes is, “If you think the former paradigm is coming back, think again.” He’s right. With every passing day, life moves further and further in the wrong direction.

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

It’s easy to look to the past and think about seemingly happier times, especially if the present is unpleasant, but the sad truth is that past likely wasn’t as we perceived it to be. Regardless, we have to focus on what we have and what we can control rather than what we hope for and wish to be true. There are so many moments I would love to revisit… On bad days, I sometimes find it hard to think about those times or look at the pictures on my capturing those moments but, most of the time, I am so grateful to have those memories and to have lived those experiences. Times with friends and family, with Husband, and with our kitties. Travels to NYC and back to Chicago, road trips for weeks at a time, and shorter trips to state parks. Sunrises, sunsets, beautiful landscapes, and adventures… We seized those moments and carry them with us, as life changes all around us.

I try to think about the good things, while fully realizing that life’s challenges will build rather than dissipate, and that the toughest choices lie ahead. The smallest, sweetest moments now mean the most, and I hope they will sustain me. I look to my knowledge of resilience and Radical Acceptance, and try to tap into those skills like never before. Accepting that something is does not mean you agree, just that you deal with what is while trying to cope, improve or at least not worsen a situation or condition. More than  ever before, I see that playing out and actively put it to practice. 

Each of us has a different experience, even as we walk through life side by side. So much time is wasted fighting about who is right when we are being given a false narrative on everything, no matter which channel you watch. We need to appreciate the good things, while also thinking critically about the reality in front of us against what we are told to be true. 

Tragedy strikes when you least expect it…

I went out with Husband the night before, enjoyed some food and drinks, and laughed while listening to a country rock band we couldn’t understand. I was up late but I slept well, better than I had in weeks. I got a message from my cousin to call her, as I missed her call while checking on our garden with Husband. Before I returned that call, I had been drinking wonderful coffee, enjoying a sunny, spring morning in the low 70’s. I was smiling and feeling really good, that is, until I heard my cousin say that her mom died hour an a half ago. She kissed her husband after getting ready to drive one of her grandsons to work, then mentioned she didn’t feel well. Seconds later, her mom collapsed on the floor.

I spoke with my aunt on Easter evening, almost a week before her death. She was in good spirits after spending the day with her adult children and grandchildren, before visiting her second oldest in the hospital. I’m glad I had that brief conversation with my aunt, our last conversation. My aunt is dead… so hard to believe, but true. She is someone who lived to care for others, so full of go-go-go, passionate, a fighter who God must have needed for a very special reason… I hope. She had a few health problems but you still thought she would live forever through her endless pursuit of helping large family. My heart is broken.

Photo by RODNAE Productions on Pexels.com

There a few reasons I wasn’t able to attend the funeral, but I’ve made peace with it. I spent the night before the funeral writing about my aunt, all the things I would have said if I had gone to the funeral and been give a chance to speak. It was cathartic and healing to write about her, and it helped me remember so many happy moments with her and my extended family. Not wanting to burden my cousins, I sent my comments to my father with a request to read them on my behalf if there was an opportunity. I knew that in asking him I was putting my father in a position to say things that may come off disingenuous, excepted that they were my words rather than his. I found out later that he did not deliver my comments, there wasn’t a chance, he didn’t feel well, etc. I wasn’t there, so I can only take him at his word but experience tells me that it’s something he didn’t have in him to carry out. The comments were forwarded to one of my cousins to be posted on the family Facebook page, which one of my cousins confirmed recently.

They say that life is short, and that things can change in an instance, so you need to hold those you love near and dear while you can. I wonder why tragedy continues to strike the best of us, while those seemingly deserving of punishment and suffering for all of their wrongs, and I’ve been told to leave it in God’s hands. From what I know, it seems that my aunt died from a massive heart attack, a few weeks after she received a COVID vaxx and was subsequently taken off of several medications, including blood thinners. I shutter to think that many families may suffer a similar fate at the hands of far-reaching medical negligence, fraud, and manipulation by powerful people around the world. This happened after one cousin died from cancer treatments that she became too weak to endure, and another cousin suffered misdiagnosis and painful medical negligence, with all three events occurring in less than three years.

cross silhouette on mountain during golden hour

I hope that God brings swift justice to the evildoers in the world, and that He brings peace, hope, and comfort to those who have suffered.