One of these days, I ‘ll figure life out.
We sit and listen to the Global Alert News Hour every Saturday or, as Dane Wiginton refers to it, “The Bad News Broadcast”. He covers news headlines from the week – everything from COVID-19 to geoengineering, environmental collapse, and various other news topics. One of Dane’s weekly quotes is, “If you think the former paradigm is coming back, think again.” He’s right. With every passing day, life moves further and further in the wrong direction.
It’s easy to look to the past and think about seemingly happier times, especially if the present is unpleasant, but the sad truth is that past likely wasn’t as we perceived it to be. Regardless, we have to focus on what we have and what we can control rather than what we hope for and wish to be true. There are so many moments I would love to revisit… On bad days, I sometimes find it hard to think about those times or look at the pictures on my capturing those moments but, most of the time, I am so grateful to have those memories and to have lived those experiences. Times with friends and family, with Husband, and with our kitties. Travels to NYC and back to Chicago, road trips for weeks at a time, and shorter trips to state parks. Sunrises, sunsets, beautiful landscapes, and adventures… We seized those moments and carry them with us, as life changes all around us.
I try to think about the good things, while fully realizing that life’s challenges will build rather than dissipate, and that the toughest choices lie ahead. The smallest, sweetest moments now mean the most, and I hope they will sustain me. I look to my knowledge of resilience and Radical Acceptance, and try to tap into those skills like never before. Accepting that something is does not mean you agree, just that you deal with what is while trying to cope, improve or at least not worsen a situation or condition. More than ever before, I see that playing out and actively put it to practice.
Each of us has a different experience, even as we walk through life side by side. So much time is wasted fighting about who is right when we are being given a false narrative on everything, no matter which channel you watch. We need to appreciate the good things, while also thinking critically about the reality in front of us against what we are told to be true.
I went out with Husband the night before, enjoyed some food and drinks, and laughed while listening to a country rock band we couldn’t understand. I was up late but I slept well, better than I had in weeks. I got a message from my cousin to call her, as I missed her call while checking on our garden with Husband. Before I returned that call, I had been drinking wonderful coffee, enjoying a sunny, spring morning in the low 70’s. I was smiling and feeling really good, that is, until I heard my cousin say that her mom died hour an a half ago. She kissed her husband after getting ready to drive one of her grandsons to work, then mentioned she didn’t feel well. Seconds later, her mom collapsed on the floor.
I spoke with my aunt on Easter evening, almost a week before her death. She was in good spirits after spending the day with her adult children and grandchildren, before visiting her second oldest in the hospital. I’m glad I had that brief conversation with my aunt, our last conversation. My aunt is dead… so hard to believe, but true. She is someone who lived to care for others, so full of go-go-go, passionate, a fighter who God must have needed for a very special reason… I hope. She had a few health problems but you still thought she would live forever through her endless pursuit of helping large family. My heart is broken.
There a few reasons I wasn’t able to attend the funeral, but I’ve made peace with it. I spent the night before the funeral writing about my aunt, all the things I would have said if I had gone to the funeral and been give a chance to speak. It was cathartic and healing to write about her, and it helped me remember so many happy moments with her and my extended family. Not wanting to burden my cousins, I sent my comments to my father with a request to read them on my behalf if there was an opportunity. I knew that in asking him I was putting my father in a position to say things that may come off disingenuous, excepted that they were my words rather than his. I found out later that he did not deliver my comments, there wasn’t a chance, he didn’t feel well, etc. I wasn’t there, so I can only take him at his word but experience tells me that it’s something he didn’t have in him to carry out. The comments were forwarded to one of my cousins to be posted on the family Facebook page, which one of my cousins confirmed recently.
They say that life is short, and that things can change in an instance, so you need to hold those you love near and dear while you can. I wonder why tragedy continues to strike the best of us, while those seemingly deserving of punishment and suffering for all of their wrongs, and I’ve been told to leave it in God’s hands. From what I know, it seems that my aunt died from a massive heart attack, a few weeks after she received a COVID vaxx and was subsequently taken off of several medications, including blood thinners. I shutter to think that many families may suffer a similar fate at the hands of far-reaching medical negligence, fraud, and manipulation by powerful people around the world. This happened after one cousin died from cancer treatments that she became too weak to endure, and another cousin suffered misdiagnosis and painful medical negligence, with all three events occurring in less than three years.
I hope that God brings swift justice to the evildoers in the world, and that He brings peace, hope, and comfort to those who have suffered.
I was scrolling through my photos and reminiscing on my trip to Chicago last August before traveling to NYC.
Overall, I had a great trip. There were a few rocky family interactions, but lessons learned. I saw extended family, a few friends, one of my favorite bands, my White Sox, and got to eat my favorite foods. Best of all, I got to soak in the city, walking, taking the “L” (elevated trains, it’s what we Chicagoans call it), and enjoying beautiful, mild summer weather.
Even though I moved away and I have a life in Texas now, I doubt I will ever feel as free and as comfortable as I do hanging out in Chicago, whether downtown or in other parts of the city.
I love you, Chicago!